The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
