imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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