I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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