Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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