u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
