how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize