Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I can't turn off my feet"
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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