He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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