I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
