you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
