it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
