then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
