If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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