Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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