Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
