what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
