So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
