dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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