Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
