I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
