there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
