can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
