i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
