Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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