I want to stick my p in your. b.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
