ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
