My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
