Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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