Can Purell be used as lube?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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