guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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