capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize