Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
