The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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