i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
