glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
