I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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