i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
