after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
