took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Drunk is not a location!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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