so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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