someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
