so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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