Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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