Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
