You just made me feel so damn special
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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