You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
How naked do you want me to be?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
