he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
