What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
