I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just found puke in my bra..
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
