hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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