There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
