I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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