dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
