walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you inspire me to be a worse person
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
