Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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