Got a toothbrush?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize