u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize