why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize