Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
