Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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