I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
