So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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