this beer tastes like vomit already
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
