Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
