i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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