remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
