i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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