the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
